a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
