Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
