No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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