kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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