"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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