I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
