I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
