you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
