i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize