Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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