just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
