Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
