ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
