I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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