oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
