he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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