we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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