Define "chronic" masturbator.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
