i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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