its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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