Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I currently don't understand fingers.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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