I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
