I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
