Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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