1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You can't just leave with hair like that
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
