i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
