apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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