I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
