So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
