wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
