So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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