Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
