my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
