Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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