My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was like getting head from an anaconda
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
