I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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