Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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