I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
