Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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