You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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