You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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