Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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