meet me or not, i'm out of control
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
