i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
pray to the hookup gods
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
