I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize