we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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