you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
