Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize