You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
