My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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