It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize