Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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