He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
