I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
