we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
