The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
