I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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