haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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