This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My vagina just clenched in fear
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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