Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
