Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I see more hoeing in ur future
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