how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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