Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hippo gnu deer
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
