Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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