my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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