ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
