This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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