why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
