I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize