We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
worst night to have a conscience
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Never underestimate the power of titties
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
