she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
