He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
