Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
