We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Mom said you looked used
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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