It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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