Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
