I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
