At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
