It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
