There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
