I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
