Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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