In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
