I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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