Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
