she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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