well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
