Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize