apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i think i just lost a toe
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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