Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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