Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
