my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
