WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
