I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
