Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
